JL;DR SUMMARY Jake Retzlaff, a notable Jewish quarterback, has transferred from Brigham Young University to Tulane University after an accusation of sexual misconduct and subsequent dismissal of charges. A way out west there was a fella, fella I want to tell you about, fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski.

• At least, that was the handle his lovin' parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself.
• This Lebowski, he called himself the Dude.
• Now, Dude, that's a name no one would self-apply where I come from.
• But then, there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me.
• And a lot about where he lived, likewise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place s'durned innarestin'.